Amor fati

"Learning to love the choices you've already made, daring or not."

I recently read this article on The Guardian, follow the link. And what a beautifully written piece! I couldn't have agreed more. The author expresses the need for us to accept certain things (well, the reality) so convincingly. 


And this comes to me at a time, where having a nervous breakdown is just around the corner. The amount of things that I should have almost finished, or the things which I should have ended by now. I perpetually created a situation for myself, with all the procrastination, all the wrong choices, and all other things (I can't even say where the list ends). 

So here I am. Stuck in a rut!

And instead of running away from reality, coming to terms with what I can do from this point forward is the toughest decision that I need to choose for myself.  

We end up regretting so many thing in life. But what comes after the regret, and how we deal with it, decides the fate.

With this, hoping that I can finish what I started is THE only thing I need to focus on. Obviously, I am worried about the outcome. But once you've jumped in the water, you shall learn to swim as well. Or let's just say, you may drown forever.

The Digital Footprint

You are not real, if I can't cyberstalk you!

In the 21st century, this is what we've succumbed to.

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(And the story is under construction.)



Watch out for this space! But obviously, after a while. I do have other things to do, you see.

The Damsel and The Prince (In The Making)

Dating in school, or dating in college? No. Then dating someone you might meet at work, or through friends, or through some random source? No! Still?


Well. In some cases, even parents help you out with this process. The entire family, close relatives, relatives whom you've never met, neighbours or neighbour's friends, work colleagues, friends, their friends, everyone you know, or maybe you've just met them. They're all in action!

LET US FIND THE GROOM FOR YOU! The arranged-marriage (or dating) fiasco, and sometimes, a triumph!


Thanks to technology, what we need is one click and let's all fall in love. In a virtual space. And of course, eventually, you may one day meet them in person too.

Although, it's no longer considered "desperate" to look online for love (or lust). Somehow, somewhere deep down the line, it still doesn't convince me. Dating websites, matrimonial websites, and all such similar apps. You name your objective, and they have exactly THE website custom-made for you. And turns out, there are so many like you out there, searching for sex, love, life-partners, and sometimes, even friends. It's the era of intelligent-match making algorithms! A big Sheldon fan that I am, I would say it's hokum. But that's the thing. It might just work. YOU NEVER KNOW.


Nonetheless, the old-school thought process of finding someone in a more traditional sort of way seems so much more convenient and well, it kind of feels okay. Something that may seem normal? But hey! Who is to say what's normal? What might be normal for you, could be chaos for others. But where do you meet people? Whether it's your career that's taking a toll on your life, or your work schedule. Priorities have changed, desires have changed, and so have the expectations. For EVERY individual, irrespective of the sex.


We have tagged people into friend zones, dating-zones, marriage-material zones, and who knows, what else is out there. I'm not saying that's not the right way of doing anything, perhaps that is the only way of finding someone, or maybe not.


A lot depends on the kind of person we are. The dreams that we have. The support that you have from your loved ones. And the courage to fulfill each aspiration that you've always longed for.

I, since the day I can recall, wanted to find love. Some could even say, I eat, sleep, breathe romance! Crazy, consuming, can't-live-without-each other, it's a 'happy place' romance. After a certain point, you don't want to date anymore, you want to find THE one for you. And live a happily ever after!

Each calculation that you have have in your mind, or the choices that you make, or wondering about the consequences that might happen, if you take one step. That one big step in your life of choosing someone. Sometimes, it feels stressful, since you have to tread so carefully just to make it seem like work!


"Work at it! Things will not fall into one place."

"You need to take initiatives. Stop being who you are."

"Just mellow down a bit, a tad bit."


You see your friends in love. No, you rather see friends happy in love! It seems like, this is so easy. But why do I find it so hard? Has not-being-in-love for so long made me this cynical? Or has my motto become, to avoid love at all costs?

We are who we are, with our life experiences. Is the experience not enough? That now being alone makes it so much more easier. And simpler.


I feel I have reached a stage that I never enjoy anything. I'm always waiting for whatever is next. What I want, what they want, what others wants! Why does it feel that the perfect combination of what everyone wants just doesn't exist? In the search for my prince charming, I have considered all permutations and combinations that can possibly exist. Yet, the package hasn't arrived!


In the whole struggle of finding love, no one would want to lose control over their life that they've have build so far. It's a sign of weakness, of settling down for something less than what you deserve. And still, there are times when you just cannot control anything. Love, friendship, marriage and happiness. The whole world stops, and you realize that no one can save you. No matter how hard we fight it, we will fall. And it's so scary as hell. The only upside to this sort of free-falling, it's the chance that you take. To fall in love. What if it doesn't work, and what if it does?

Nobody wants to be the damsel in distress. We want the prince charming. But we're not trapped in a tower high up in the sky! Everyone knows fairytale romance doesn't exist anymore. Yet, we keep looking love. We wait to fall in love. For some, it's the physical dependency. For some, it's the emotional dependency. For some, it's the intellectual dependency. And sometimes, there are different combinations of all of them.


I don't wish to get married because all my friends are married or getting married. I don't wish to get married because it feels lonely. I don't wish to get married because I need company. I don't wish to get married because there's the right age to have kids (and quite frankly, I don't like kids). I wish to get married when I am in love. Or the idea of being in love. The McDreamy (in this case, mine) who would want to marry me and want a lifetime with me.

What I seek today is probably somewhere in the future, I hope. And even if it's not there, let's just hope, there are other happy endings and beginnings to the stories that are waiting to be written in the diary of destiny!

Source: http://weddingphotosutra.com/

Unashamed and Unafraid

Vulnerable, was she? Perhaps, she was.

Source: Facebook (berlin-artparasites)

 

She did not know anything, other than being intense. She could never learn the art of not feeling too much or not thinking too much. She never experienced anything which didn't move her heart. She didn't know how to stay still and quite her mind. She wandered gloriously searching for sunshine. She kept searching and questioning. Some would say, she was looking for answers. The need to understand meaning of each existence. In everything. And in every person, she ever met.

She was passionate. Often, she burned in rebellion. Her greatest strength became her weakness. Her weakness morphed her vulnerability.
 

Time and again, she was misunderstood. She wanted to speak so much more, but she buried her thoughts in the darkest corner of her soul.

In the midst of her strange beauty, she kept searching for joy within. The whirlpool of emotions and the fury of her own self, she longed to be found. Only to realize, she was alone. She was scared so much that she couldn't breathe. She was worried. She was vulnerable. Yet, she kept breathing. She kept walking. Through the different paths that she saw, she wanted to reach her destiny. The trail of footsteps stretching till the horizon, she didn't know who's to follow. She chose her own fate, she created her own path. To be heard, to be seen, and to be able to breathe free again.

They said, she was weak. And she believed what they said. Never did she realize, beneath all her emotions, there was a strong woman. And perhaps, there still is.

She told herself, "Stop being so weak. Grow up and get over it." And then, she never felt anything again.

She was fierce, she was beautiful, and she was a mystery. Although she said, she was happy alone. She knew she didn't mean that. She knew it was just easier being alone.

It was a pity, she blamed them. And they blamed her.

Within all that chaos, she never could accept and embrace who she really was. She kept searching for answers, only to realize, she knew the answers all along.

P.S. This was inspired by a post on Facebook. That page really makes you think. And I started blogging again! :)

The Wandering Soul

Words come by and words leave you alone. But some words tend to carve out a place in your soul forever.

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António Nogueira Pessoa and his words.

I don't know how many souls I have. 

I've changed at every moment. 

I always feel like a stranger. 

I've never seen or found myself. 

From being so much, I have only soul. 

A man who has soul has no calm. 

A man who sees is just what he sees. 

A man who feels is not who he is.

Attentive to what I am and see, I become them and stop being I. 

Each of my dreams and each desire belongs to whoever had it, not me. 

I am my own landscape, I watch myself journey - Various, mobile, and alone. 

Here where I am I can't feel myself.

That's why I read, as a stranger, my being as if it were pages. 

Not knowing what will come and forgetting what has passed, I note in the margin of my reading.

What I thought I felt. Rereading, I wonder: "Was that me?" God knows, because he wrote it.

--

Oh, such beautifully written words.

Let It Go

Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.

Sometimes it is the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Or maybe it is the biggest decision changing your life forever.

They say change is good. Change is constant. Everything happens for a reason. But are we not consoling the heart, mind and soul to accept brutality of the present?

Are we really prepared for changes? Or do we embrace them just because there is no other choice left?

I'd say change isn't always the best thing you could have wished for. The trouble is not being able to avoid it, at all. We all hope for a better tomorrow. Hence, the willingness to accept change becomes a necessity. I too, hope for a brighter future. For all. And selfishly, for myself too. Change is inevitable. And so, I'll move on along with this change. I will accept what life throws back at me, with more hope, and also, dreams to follow.

This ain't the end. This will be a newer (brighter, perhaps) start. The start to a brand new chapter. The start for new challenges. The uncertain clear blue sky, and wings for the bird who now wishes to fly high.

At the end of the day, we're on our own. The power to silence the unnecessary questions, and the courage to move forward.

We all have a purpose, or maybe we don't. On this note. And as of today. This. This is what I shall follow. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it.

Happy blogging start!


P.S.  There are no literary skills in the posts to follow. These are just musings, trying to be portrayed in the best possible common language!

Hi there!

Hi!

This site would undergo changes in the near future (since a definite timeline would be stressful). Nonetheless, tune in to this space for more stuff coming in soon (after four years, things would finally be back in action).

Peace out.